Signaling, Motivations, and Desires

For a big part of my life, I've been acutely aware of a certain type of behavior, but never had the words to describe it. Since listening to an episode of Not Overthinking, a podcast hosted by Ali Abdaal and his brother Taimur, I think I've found the words and I have some thoughts to share.

What I am referring to can broadly be described as signaling—behaviors that are intended to nonverbally communicate an aspect of one's life, personality, or character. For example, one type of signaling is status-seeking. If you buy an expensive car, that would be status-seeking behavior because the purchase is partially motivated by your desire for others to see your wealth.

I don't have a problem with signaling or status-seeking behavior in general. Humans are biologically programmed to want to fit in and be accepted. Almost all signaling has the intent of garnering acceptance and approval from others. However, for some reason, signaling to demonstrate moral or intellectual superiority has always rubbed me the wrong way. I've found that I can easily spot this type of behavior and it never fails to leave a bad taste in my mouth.

An example of this that was mentioned in the podcast is people who look down upon traditional status-seeking behavior. It has become increasingly popular to scoff at spending hundreds of dollars on a pair of shoes and instead brag about the t-shirt you bought from Walmart for $4.99. While people buying and showing off designer clothing doesn’t bother me, people who act as if they don’t care about status and show off their "non status-seeking" behavior does. Those people are signaling that they are "woke" and don’t play status games, but in doing so are playing more status games1.

I'm not sure why these behaviors bother me and I don't know if there is a rational explanation. My best justification would be that signaling moral and/or intellectual superiority doesn't provide value to the world other than giving the signaler a false sense of authority and making everyone else feel bad. There is also an element of disingenuity associated with it. Virtue signaling, a subset of the behavior I'm talking about, is by definition done with the intent of portraying yourself as something you're not.

At the same time, I think it's possible that my opposition is a reflection of my own insecurity. Do I oppose moral and intellectual grandstanding because it reveals deficiencies in myself? That requires more reflection and is probably too personal to share online.

Why does any of this matter?

Beyond my complaints, I think signaling has applications for everyday life. In a separate episode of Not Overthinking, I came across this tweet:

Wanting to be seen to want the thing, wanting to be seen to do the things needed to do the thing, and wanting to be seen to have the thing are all status-seeking behaviors. It's useful to interrogate ourselves and find out how much of our behavior is signaling and how much is authentic.

An example that Ali and Taimur cite in the podcast is doing well in school. Why do we want to do well in school? Is it to show others that we are smart? Is it to get a good job? If so, why do we want a good job? Is it so others will respect us?

Obviously, having a good job is of tremendous material value on its own, but sometimes status-seeking and signaling behavior do not align with what is beneficial. To clarify, I do not think that all signaling is bad. I think all of our actions are forms of signaling to some extent. But, we should be aware and in control of how much signaling affects our choices.

It is valuable to have the vocabulary and mental frameworks to characterize concepts. Even if you don't share the same concerns about signaling as me, I hope you'll be able to view the world through an additional lens. We should aim to want the thing and not the side-effects of the thing. In general, being solely motivated by approval and acceptance from others is not a good recipe for happiness.

Closing thoughts

I know this post isn't very cohesive, it's just a loose collection of thoughts I had while listening to Not Overthinking. To close out, I want to share some quotes from an article by Brian Timar, a physics grad student who realized he didn't actually like physics and only fell into the field by accident. It's 100% worth a read.

In the article, Brian's experience in school is status-driven:

Hazy motives are dangerous. As a young person, I think it's more important than ever to get a grasp on why I want what I want. If I don't, I risk going down an unfulfilling life path.

If you have any thoughts on this issue, please reach out to me. I definitely want to learn more and hear other perspectives.